the four right chords can make me cry

"So, the cross is always ready and waits for you everywhere. You cannot escape it no matter where you run, for wherever you go you are burdened with yourself. Wherever you go, there you are."
—Thomas a Kempis, Imitation of Christ, ca. A.D. 1440

I'm going for a run with Summer today, and I always play these songs in my head when I run. Good for thinking.

Collective Soul :: Run

Are these times contagious
I've never been this bored before
Is this the prize I've waited for?
Now as the hours passing
There's nothing left here to insure
I long to find a messenger

Have I got a long way to run?
Yeah, I run

Is there a cure among us
From this processed sanity?
I weaken with each voice that sings
In this world of purchase
I'm going to buy back memories
To awaken some old qualities

Have I got a long way to run?
Yeah, I run

The Doobie Brothers :: It keeps you running

Say, where you gonna go
Girl, where you gonna hide
You go on leavin out your heart
And all its sayin down deep inside
From here I can feel your heartbeat
Oh, you got me all wrong
You ain't got no worry
You just been lonely too long
I know what it means to hide your heart
From a long time ago
Oh, darlin'

It keeps you running, yeah it keeps you running

Oh, I know how you feel
Hey, you know I been there
But what you're keepin' to yourself
Oh, you know it just ain't fair
Are you gonna worry
For the rest of your life
Why you in such a hurry
To be lonely one more night
I know what it means to hide your heart
From a long time ago
Oh, darlin'

It keeps you runnin, yeah it keeps you runnin

Willie Nelson :: Against the wind

It seems like yesterday, but it was a long time ago
She was lovely, she was the queen of my nights
There in the darkness with the radio, playin' low
The secrets that we shared, the mountains that we moved
Caught like a wildfire out of control
There was nothing left to burn and nothing left to prove

And I remember what she said to me
How she swore that it would never end
I remember how she held me oh, so tight
Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then

Against the wind
We were running against the wind
We were young and strong
But just running against the wind

And the years rolled slowly past, I found myself alone
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends
I found myself further and further from my home
I guess I lost my way, there were oh, so many roads
I was livin' to run and runnin' to live
Never worrying about paying or how much I owed

Movin' eight miles a minute for months at a time
Breakin' all of the rules that would bend
I began to find myself searchin'
Searchin' for shelter again and again

Against the wind
We were running against the wind
I found myself seekin'
Shelter against the wind

All those drifter's days are passed me now
I've got so much more to think about
Deadlines and commitments
What to leave in, what to leave out

Against the wind
We were running against the wind
Well I'm older now and still
Running against the wind
Against the wind

posted by beckyboo @ 7:41 PM 0 comments

i was thinking of that time back home, when feeling numb was the only way to get by. I hardly laughed, my smiles were all forced, and the only emotion i could provoke was anger, and even then, not very well. I was afraid that something inside me had died, for good.

that fear followed me here, i think. its manifested in the inability to see wonder in the life around me, the failure to enjoy the things around me. in the dead zone, the no man's land, neither happy nor sad. a grey flat line. nothing excites me.

it makes me think about what he said about stability and stagnation. i hate it how, after all this time, one person's words can still have such profound effect on me. Just as they once did when i was only 14. that's eight years ago now, but i haven't changed, so the numbers don't really matter do they.

all those things i saw in myself and hated, they're still there, too.

but at least i know i'm not dead. and that's because right now, i really feel like talking, which is a strange kinda mood to be seized by, at least for me. to me it heralds the stirrings of something deep down that's beginning to come alive again, and wants somewhere to go.

i haven't had a proper conversation in too long. i really miss friends like chels, serene and enai right now.

perhaps i'll bloom when the daffodils do. we'll see.

posted by beckyboo @ 5:35 AM 1 comments

Stratford and Warwick Trip



Slow down, you move too fast
You've got to make the morning last
Just kicking down the cobblestones
Looking for fun and feeling groovy

I got no deeds to do, no promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morningtime drop all it's petals on me
Life, I love you
All is groovy






My friend Fred, the big green plant monster, peeked around the corner and waved me a cheeky "hi!". I don't think anyone else saw him.





The open window was too inviting to resist.












Warwick Castle


Does this make my butt look fat? Eh, Lourdes?



The home of lords, earls and other historical figures for a few good centuries. Now a tacky tourist destination, replete with cheesy re-enactments, wax figures, expensive eating outlets and of course, merchandise.

Labels: Songs, Travel

posted by beckyboo @ 4:55 AM 2 comments

Chelestier Kong said: "Singaporean men really need help."



It is scientifically proven that sugar dissolves in water. So please don't go out in the rain too much, because I can't afford to lose such a sweet person like you.

okaaaaaay.

posted by beckyboo @ 8:01 AM 3 comments

Happy Valentine's day everyone, beckyboo loves you!

posted by beckyboo @ 5:46 AM 0 comments

i want to go to Glastonbury SO BAD.

two problems:

one: no one to go with
two: 145 pounds is a lot

Glastonbury!

posted by beckyboo @ 4:04 AM 0 comments

The Knife and Fork cafe closes today.


I fell in love with this place and its audacious claims from the bus window. When Josh said that it was closing down, today, I just had to go; my first and last visit.



sorry, i'm lazy.



this is what i meant by falling into the canal. the place is being shut down because the building is no longer deemed safe. they got their final notice just last week, and have been packed ever since. one week to wrap up 24 years of service is insultingly short notice.



its got character, this place does.



Inside the tiny place. It was wonderful, the smells, the sounds. Every time someone walked in, they'd get a cheer and everytime someone left they'd go say goodbye to the owners, with a round of hugs and photo taking. We were talking to a regular (he's only been going there 15 years), and he was saying how it was the kind of place where they'd remember your name, how many sugars you took with your tea, and ask about your family. When I asked him how I could avoid all the touristy things and do something "really brum" he said, "go get drunk and start a fight! that's the brum way." I told him I would =)




The end of an era.

posted by beckyboo @ 12:11 AM 0 comments

So today it took me one and a half hours on the bus when it usually takes 15 minutes. Someone told me that people got so frustrated with the traffic that they just abandoned their cars and walked. But other than that, the snow's been massive fun. I've managed to pass unscathed through two warring snowballing factions while scurrying to lecture, going past people creating giant snowballs and snowmen in fantastical forms. I'm too shy to start a fight of my own, but we'll see how I feel about it tomorrow.

Tomorrow we're going to the Knife and Fork, before it gets shut down by the health inspectors. Heh. I hope all 50 of us turn up and squeeze into that place, I swear its going to fall into the canal if we do.

Right now, there's a crazy party going on in the snooker room. Well, what do you expect with a bunch of students snowed in on a friday night? I was down at the pub playing cards till 11 when it closed, but everyone's got alcohol in their rooms, so they just moved a laptop and speakers into Grace's room and continued there. Not really my scene, but I hung around a while because I knew Vanessa really wanted to dance. Thinking of Aaron's crazy dance moves makes me laugh though, makes me wonder how he dances when he's drunk.

Yep, this weekend is for hanging out with my fellow Manorians. I like it here.

posted by beckyboo @ 8:30 AM 0 comments

SNOW!

posted by beckyboo @ 7:58 PM 0 comments

Three girls; an American, a Norwegian and a Singaporean, go out to watch a movie. We ask a stranger for directions along the way, and she asks: "so, where are you from?" We pause, exchanging quick glances, and laugh. There is no better protocol for a situation like that. On our way back we talk about what we felt about the movie, and other movies and books that we liked, or not, and why. A beautiful idea was hatched and promises made about assured accomodation in three rather different corners of the world.

But today's film, oh, it just took my breath away.

It was the film society's screening of Wong Kar-Wai's In the Mood for Love, or 花样年华. That evocative mood of longing, pain and tragedy, seeping through the flaking paint of the city walls and dark crevices of Angkor Wat. The symmetry of composition and movement, duplicating and doubling the loneliness and pathos. And the slow, languid passing of time, spreading out the dense emotions like a thick, heady syrup.

Now I must watch the other two!

Labels: Movies

posted by beckyboo @ 6:28 AM 2 comments

A simple prayer from the heart.

Thank you, God, for friends who are almost family, whose kindness and friendship warms the cold winter days. Thank you for London, and for the opportunity and privilege to be travelling like that. Thank you for getting us home safe and sound, late wake ups and delays notwithstanding. But thank you most of all for Jesus, continue to teach me of His precious, ultimate worth.

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss!
The Father turned His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen one
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon the Cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath as brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

1 Corinthians 13:12
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

Amen.

Labels: Songs, Travel

posted by beckyboo @ 8:40 AM 0 comments

Today I...

- had 2 interesting lectures; one on arthritis and one on anti-depressant drugs
- went rock climbing!
- failed to obtain the autograph of my esteemed climbing instructor *cough*
- had homemade crepes with pseudo-nutella + banana + vanilla ice cream and smoked salmon + yoghurt + oregano
- played "bonjour robert" for the first time
- had a very long discussion about the prohibition of burkhas in French schools and cultural integration with a German girl, French girl, Italian guy and two Americans (guess whose position I was defending?)
- missed the last bus home and felt cheated by the cab driver who charged us 5.25 pounds though it wasn't a long trip

and tomorrow, I do laundry.

posted by beckyboo @ 9:59 AM 0 comments